Puppy still isn't feeling well, makes me unhappy, I feel like I can't do anything for him. I hope getting him fixed helps. If not I don't know what will happen, I guess we'll have to have an ultrasound done. He just seems so lost as what to do.
I just called the temp agency again and they said that Cree is looking at me for another job and they should hear something in the next day or two. Hopefully I will be working by the weekend. I'm not going get overly positive until I hear more.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Yeah, went on a interview at Cree for a temp job today. I'm hoping I got it, I don't want to jinx it, but the interviewer seemed pretty positive that she would hire me. I'm bouncing I'm so happy, next step is to start taking classes towards a degree. Things could finally be turning around. Awesome. Yeah me.
Yesterday was a red letter day in the sex dept . Finally was with J, and it was good. He made me 'gasm orally which has never happened before. Took pics with J and FB giving BJs and posted anonymously. Of course I had to get their permission, now FB is bugging me for the site name. But he is hot to trot now even though I wont give him the site name. I was worried about posting the pics but the response has been positive. You know old demons die hard.
Yesterday was a red letter day in the sex dept . Finally was with J, and it was good. He made me 'gasm orally which has never happened before. Took pics with J and FB giving BJs and posted anonymously. Of course I had to get their permission, now FB is bugging me for the site name. But he is hot to trot now even though I wont give him the site name. I was worried about posting the pics but the response has been positive. You know old demons die hard.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Had to take Puppy to the vet again. He has an enlarged prostate, so back on antibiotics and then he's going to get fixed. Hopefully that takes care of it otherwise it could be cancer, but thats a low risk, so I'm not going to think about it. They tried to get him to pee all day, then as we are going out of the store he peed on the door. Thats my Puppy. LOL. Now I have to collect urine or I should say try to collect urine when I walk him tonight. Ought to be fun.
Called one of the temp agencies to see if they had any openings today. The only openings they had were for Cree so we'll see if they will let me go back AGAIN. I don't care I want to work, I'm not proud. Once I get in there I have the skills to pay the bills. And I can get to work b/c I live right down the street, so it should be no problem. Lets just hope that Cree lets them send me back as a temp. I also sent a letter to all my biggie big contacts last week basically begging them to let me back so we'll see. I can only hope that they understand I was sick and I'm healthy now. Urg I need to work.
Called one of the temp agencies to see if they had any openings today. The only openings they had were for Cree so we'll see if they will let me go back AGAIN. I don't care I want to work, I'm not proud. Once I get in there I have the skills to pay the bills. And I can get to work b/c I live right down the street, so it should be no problem. Lets just hope that Cree lets them send me back as a temp. I also sent a letter to all my biggie big contacts last week basically begging them to let me back so we'll see. I can only hope that they understand I was sick and I'm healthy now. Urg I need to work.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
It was supposed to snow 2-4" today, NOT. We ended up with a dusting of snow and a rainy, dreary day. I had already planned on staying in and watching movies all day so thats what I did. I guy on the board that I post on gave me 120 VHS tapes so I went through them this morning and separated out the movies we already had or I didn't want and put away the ones I wanted to keep. Then I watched Contact, Persuasion, and Twister (love the flying cows). I had made turkey meat-loaf earlier and Niki made mashed potatoes and sweat and sour green beans. So we had a good dinner.
Chatted with J for a couple of hours. I am getting so frustrated and confused. Frustrated because we both definitely want to fuck each other and our schedules and the stars just aren't lining up. You can't make this stuff up. First it was Christmas and his relatives were visiting, then I went to NY, then he was sick, then he was on call for work, then he was stuck late at work basically everyday the next week and now I have my period. So pretty much for six weeks straight we have been unable to get together. Confused because even though we chat almost every night and I think have become friends I think all he wants to do is fuck me. I'm not saying that I'm looking for a relationship or even to date but why are you willing to spend hours chatting with me online but not sitting next to me at a movie or across from me at a restaurant. Maybe it's just been to long since we've seen each other face-to-face.
Talked to Ro' tonight. She hasn't found a job yet either, but may be starting one again on Monday. Maybe I will have luck next week too. I received my short term disability claim check on appeal this week. That is a slight burden lifted. I really didn't think it would be approved. Talked to Bill on Friday, Tammy and I might meet him in Richmond on Tuesday for dinner. It will probably be the last chance I get to see him before he ships out to Japan. Filled my prescriptions for the first time on the new insurance plan two of them jumped from $20 to $50. I can probably change one of them to a lower dose generic and get it cheaper but the other one has no generic or equivalent and it is my migraine medicine so I'm kinda over the barrel. Plus Dr Frazier is out of network so I need to make a $400 deductible plus pay 30% after that. Great new insurance plan.
Started a new weight loss challenge with Tammy. I'm going to lose this week. I have not done well. Haven't walked the dog all week plus ate wrong. I don't know where all my motivation went to. I need it back. I was doing so good. Should have never went to NY.
Chatted with J for a couple of hours. I am getting so frustrated and confused. Frustrated because we both definitely want to fuck each other and our schedules and the stars just aren't lining up. You can't make this stuff up. First it was Christmas and his relatives were visiting, then I went to NY, then he was sick, then he was on call for work, then he was stuck late at work basically everyday the next week and now I have my period. So pretty much for six weeks straight we have been unable to get together. Confused because even though we chat almost every night and I think have become friends I think all he wants to do is fuck me. I'm not saying that I'm looking for a relationship or even to date but why are you willing to spend hours chatting with me online but not sitting next to me at a movie or across from me at a restaurant. Maybe it's just been to long since we've seen each other face-to-face.
Talked to Ro' tonight. She hasn't found a job yet either, but may be starting one again on Monday. Maybe I will have luck next week too. I received my short term disability claim check on appeal this week. That is a slight burden lifted. I really didn't think it would be approved. Talked to Bill on Friday, Tammy and I might meet him in Richmond on Tuesday for dinner. It will probably be the last chance I get to see him before he ships out to Japan. Filled my prescriptions for the first time on the new insurance plan two of them jumped from $20 to $50. I can probably change one of them to a lower dose generic and get it cheaper but the other one has no generic or equivalent and it is my migraine medicine so I'm kinda over the barrel. Plus Dr Frazier is out of network so I need to make a $400 deductible plus pay 30% after that. Great new insurance plan.
Started a new weight loss challenge with Tammy. I'm going to lose this week. I have not done well. Haven't walked the dog all week plus ate wrong. I don't know where all my motivation went to. I need it back. I was doing so good. Should have never went to NY.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Entry for January 13, 2008
Feeling better about life in general today. Yeah. Thanks D. Going out last night really helped. Sometimes you find help in the most unexpected places. Today was a NY day. I went to Randy's pizza (real NY pizza) and had a broccolli and cheese calzone then went to Dunkin' Dounuts and had a chocolate creme and blueberry jelly donut I've had my fix for a year. There not good anymore b/c they're not made fresh. Then I just ran some errands and looked at the job boards.
Tomorrow I'm definetly taking the dog back to the vet. He isn't drinking any water and he was making retching noises earlier. I hope it isn't another $500. I can't afford that.
Ohh, I went through the BU alum on Facebook and found one of my friends. Cool. Sometimes the internet is sweet. It sucks b/c I was in touch with everyone then we didn't have a internet acess for like a year and lost contact with almost everyone. Now it's a struggle b/c it seems I'm just on the cusp of ppl being into the net. Like I have a facebook and my space page but they are just basic so ppl can contact me from my former lives. But friends just a year or two younger are totally into the whole thing. Its funny too b/c ppl older then me think I'm a computer geek and I have almost no skills but I can find my way around and am willing to poke and prod to figure it out. Like someone said its not like youyr going to launch a missle or something.
Feeling better about life in general today. Yeah. Thanks D. Going out last night really helped. Sometimes you find help in the most unexpected places. Today was a NY day. I went to Randy's pizza (real NY pizza) and had a broccolli and cheese calzone then went to Dunkin' Dounuts and had a chocolate creme and blueberry jelly donut I've had my fix for a year. There not good anymore b/c they're not made fresh. Then I just ran some errands and looked at the job boards.
Tomorrow I'm definetly taking the dog back to the vet. He isn't drinking any water and he was making retching noises earlier. I hope it isn't another $500. I can't afford that.
Ohh, I went through the BU alum on Facebook and found one of my friends. Cool. Sometimes the internet is sweet. It sucks b/c I was in touch with everyone then we didn't have a internet acess for like a year and lost contact with almost everyone. Now it's a struggle b/c it seems I'm just on the cusp of ppl being into the net. Like I have a facebook and my space page but they are just basic so ppl can contact me from my former lives. But friends just a year or two younger are totally into the whole thing. Its funny too b/c ppl older then me think I'm a computer geek and I have almost no skills but I can find my way around and am willing to poke and prod to figure it out. Like someone said its not like youyr going to launch a missle or something.
Entry for January 12, 2008
Another dinner with online group, only D showed up. Still had a good time, he is a fun person to talk to. I just wish more people would come out and join us. What's the point of the group if you don't involve yourself in activities. Go out and meet people, connect beyond the computer screen. Well there is always next month. LOL.
Finally got in touch with Tammy, we hadn't spoke since Christmas. We went and got our hair done and I got my eyebrow done. I then had to rush to drop her off at Gary's and make it to Apex on time for dinner. But I'm glad I got her out of the house (Gary couldn't even get her to go anywhere) and I needed to get out too. She also promised me she would buy something to wear to tomorrow and go to church. I wanted her to see a psychologist and she said she can't afford to right now so this is my compromise. I think she will feel better if she goes. I even told her I would go with her, thankfully she thought of Gary.
I'm going to have to take Puppy to the vet again, he's not drinking any water. More money I don't have.
Another dinner with online group, only D showed up. Still had a good time, he is a fun person to talk to. I just wish more people would come out and join us. What's the point of the group if you don't involve yourself in activities. Go out and meet people, connect beyond the computer screen. Well there is always next month. LOL.
Finally got in touch with Tammy, we hadn't spoke since Christmas. We went and got our hair done and I got my eyebrow done. I then had to rush to drop her off at Gary's and make it to Apex on time for dinner. But I'm glad I got her out of the house (Gary couldn't even get her to go anywhere) and I needed to get out too. She also promised me she would buy something to wear to tomorrow and go to church. I wanted her to see a psychologist and she said she can't afford to right now so this is my compromise. I think she will feel better if she goes. I even told her I would go with her, thankfully she thought of Gary.
I'm going to have to take Puppy to the vet again, he's not drinking any water. More money I don't have.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Entry for January 09, 2008
I'm worried the depression is coming back, I can't afford another bout of depression. Not just financially but in friends and family. I am just starting to grow my circle of friends and if I fall into depression that will all be lost. Why does this keep happening, I was feeling good and suddenly nothing is right with the world. I'm still doing the same things walking, eating better, and taking care of myself so why the change. Please let it just be hormonal. The end of my BC pills are Saturday and I don't think I'll be starting a new pack.
Did all my laundry and took down the Christmas decorations today. Only a couple days after little Christmas. Was hoping J would show up tonight and give me a little something something but I guess not. Maybe a quickie in the morning after Niki leaves. I need some stress relief, bad.
I'm worried the depression is coming back, I can't afford another bout of depression. Not just financially but in friends and family. I am just starting to grow my circle of friends and if I fall into depression that will all be lost. Why does this keep happening, I was feeling good and suddenly nothing is right with the world. I'm still doing the same things walking, eating better, and taking care of myself so why the change. Please let it just be hormonal. The end of my BC pills are Saturday and I don't think I'll be starting a new pack.
Did all my laundry and took down the Christmas decorations today. Only a couple days after little Christmas. Was hoping J would show up tonight and give me a little something something but I guess not. Maybe a quickie in the morning after Niki leaves. I need some stress relief, bad.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Entry for January 08, 2008
Another day with little accomplished. This is very bad. I think the birth control pills are a bad idea I think I am going hormonal. I started crying today for really no good reason, I have been doing so good I can not go through another bout of depression. LOL, I can't afford to. I'm on the last of my savings, I need to start working very soon. I shouldn't have went home, I always get out of whack after I go home, but how can I not. I don't know how many more times I'm going to see Grandma Jean, the parents aren't getting any younger, but how do you balance that out with the fact that my life seems to spin out of my control after I go home.
Went to see Sweeny Todd today. It was a very dark movie. I thought it was going to be campy, you think serial killer musical with Johnny Depp and you figure camp. Nope it was extremely dark, good but dark, not really what I was in the mood for but I still enjoyed it. Definetily not one for the kiddies.
Started trying to write my memory blog. I am not happy with the outcome so far. I am my worst critic when it comes to writing. Maybe I'll feel better about it as I go along.
Another day with little accomplished. This is very bad. I think the birth control pills are a bad idea I think I am going hormonal. I started crying today for really no good reason, I have been doing so good I can not go through another bout of depression. LOL, I can't afford to. I'm on the last of my savings, I need to start working very soon. I shouldn't have went home, I always get out of whack after I go home, but how can I not. I don't know how many more times I'm going to see Grandma Jean, the parents aren't getting any younger, but how do you balance that out with the fact that my life seems to spin out of my control after I go home.
Went to see Sweeny Todd today. It was a very dark movie. I thought it was going to be campy, you think serial killer musical with Johnny Depp and you figure camp. Nope it was extremely dark, good but dark, not really what I was in the mood for but I still enjoyed it. Definetily not one for the kiddies.
Started trying to write my memory blog. I am not happy with the outcome so far. I am my worst critic when it comes to writing. Maybe I'll feel better about it as I go along.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Entry for January 07, 2008
I need to start making lists of things I'm going to do and following through with them. Today I needed to do job finding stuff but I ended up fucking around on the computer all day. I only did a little of what I needed to do, I am never going to get back to where I need to be if I let inertia set in. I messed around with RH all day, he kept sending me stuff and it was fun teasing him. Then TA, E, and W were flirting on the board I post on. LOL, I'm horny as fuck now. I'm so horny my fingers ache with need. I hope J and I get together soon otherwise I'm going to expire from need.
Puppy is still acting funny. He didn't eat until 2pm. Of course I didn't eat until 3:30pm because I need to go grocery shopping. So I had a salad from Chik-fil-A.
OMG...Paranormal State came on A&E after Intervention, it is so cheesy. Its funny. They use like cheesy voice overs and weird camera angles. LOL. Niki and I are cracking up. ooooooo, who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters.
I need to start making lists of things I'm going to do and following through with them. Today I needed to do job finding stuff but I ended up fucking around on the computer all day. I only did a little of what I needed to do, I am never going to get back to where I need to be if I let inertia set in. I messed around with RH all day, he kept sending me stuff and it was fun teasing him. Then TA, E, and W were flirting on the board I post on. LOL, I'm horny as fuck now. I'm so horny my fingers ache with need. I hope J and I get together soon otherwise I'm going to expire from need.
Puppy is still acting funny. He didn't eat until 2pm. Of course I didn't eat until 3:30pm because I need to go grocery shopping. So I had a salad from Chik-fil-A.
OMG...Paranormal State came on A&E after Intervention, it is so cheesy. Its funny. They use like cheesy voice overs and weird camera angles. LOL. Niki and I are cracking up. ooooooo, who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Entry for January 06, 2008
Had a headache on Friday and Saturday, bleh. Now I'm feeling down, I really need to get out and do something. Inertia is bad. But then I think if I go out I will spend money that I don't have. I need to find a job fast. I'm tired of worrying about money. Wondering what will happen if my benefits run out. LOL, my prescriptions probably cost $1000/month and I don't want to take any medication. Well not having migraines all the time is nice but that med makes me forget words sometimes. Welcome to the world of the stupid, I always appreciated the fact that I had some smarts but when you can't remember easy words sometimes you really are thankful.
The dog is sick again. I think he just got used to the wet dog food and when we tried to transition him back to his old food it messed with his digestion but back to the vet we go. I can't afford another $500 and $50 every 2wks for food so they need to figure something out. He woke me up like every 1 1/2hrs to go out last night, then slept by my bed part of the night too. That was disconcerting, I'm not used to hearing him so close when I'm sleeping.
When I was at dinner with Keir we were talking about journals in HS. I would write in a diary for like 5 days out of a year so I don't have a lot of written memories from HS. I want to start journaling some of those memories before they disappear. I know many already have. I need to find a better venue then 360 though. On the drive home I thought of when a group of us dressed as greasers and lip synched to Summer of '69 in front of a Middle School assembly. I was the drum player but I only had a snare drum and the guitar and bass players had old acoustic guitars. LOL. I wish we had pics but I don't think our parents showed up.
Went to see Juno. It was good, the best movie I've seen in a while, really funny. Maybe I just needed to get out of the house and do something. It helps that she was a total smartass. Don't know why I would like that. LOL. I read a review when it first came out which talked about how Juno was going to make teenage pregnancy seem cool, WTF, no they didn't show it ruining her whole life but they did show how fucked up things get even for someone that has support like Juno.
Had a headache on Friday and Saturday, bleh. Now I'm feeling down, I really need to get out and do something. Inertia is bad. But then I think if I go out I will spend money that I don't have. I need to find a job fast. I'm tired of worrying about money. Wondering what will happen if my benefits run out. LOL, my prescriptions probably cost $1000/month and I don't want to take any medication. Well not having migraines all the time is nice but that med makes me forget words sometimes. Welcome to the world of the stupid, I always appreciated the fact that I had some smarts but when you can't remember easy words sometimes you really are thankful.
The dog is sick again. I think he just got used to the wet dog food and when we tried to transition him back to his old food it messed with his digestion but back to the vet we go. I can't afford another $500 and $50 every 2wks for food so they need to figure something out. He woke me up like every 1 1/2hrs to go out last night, then slept by my bed part of the night too. That was disconcerting, I'm not used to hearing him so close when I'm sleeping.
When I was at dinner with Keir we were talking about journals in HS. I would write in a diary for like 5 days out of a year so I don't have a lot of written memories from HS. I want to start journaling some of those memories before they disappear. I know many already have. I need to find a better venue then 360 though. On the drive home I thought of when a group of us dressed as greasers and lip synched to Summer of '69 in front of a Middle School assembly. I was the drum player but I only had a snare drum and the guitar and bass players had old acoustic guitars. LOL. I wish we had pics but I don't think our parents showed up.
Went to see Juno. It was good, the best movie I've seen in a while, really funny. Maybe I just needed to get out of the house and do something. It helps that she was a total smartass. Don't know why I would like that. LOL. I read a review when it first came out which talked about how Juno was going to make teenage pregnancy seem cool, WTF, no they didn't show it ruining her whole life but they did show how fucked up things get even for someone that has support like Juno.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Entry for January 03, 2008
Yeah, I made it back to NC last night. I was soooo tired the last few hours of the drive but I didn't want to pay for another hotel room. I would have started calling people to keep me awake but I know cell service sucks out there on 85 so I would have just gotten frustrated when my calls were dropped. I took 15 part of the way to avoid the traffic snarl at Fredricksburg (I still hate 15), I don't know how anyone can drive that the whole way, I'd go ape shit.
I get back to NC and they had snow flurries yesterday and it was friggin' cold. I grabbed the dog to walk him and froze my ta tas off. We just walked a block, I wasn't dressed for the cold. Back to the dog not feeling well, I think b/c he went back on dry dog food it's messing with his digestive track so I need to get some more wet food and mix it for awhile. I don't like seeing him not feeling well.
Can someone please tell me why I inspire guys to act sexually inappropriate towards me online? I know that I am a pretty sexually open person as far as yeah I like sex, yes I do have sex, yes I do have a fwb and fb at the moment, but that doesn't mean I fuck around. Or that I'll fuck anybody, I am very selective. But once again a guy I've barely said hi to online starts asking me a bunch of sexual questions and not in a oh just curious way either. I'm sure these guys would never treat a women like that offline so why do they do it online. If I ask them they disappear, I guess thats a simple way to get rid of them. LOL.
Yeah, I made it back to NC last night. I was soooo tired the last few hours of the drive but I didn't want to pay for another hotel room. I would have started calling people to keep me awake but I know cell service sucks out there on 85 so I would have just gotten frustrated when my calls were dropped. I took 15 part of the way to avoid the traffic snarl at Fredricksburg (I still hate 15), I don't know how anyone can drive that the whole way, I'd go ape shit.
I get back to NC and they had snow flurries yesterday and it was friggin' cold. I grabbed the dog to walk him and froze my ta tas off. We just walked a block, I wasn't dressed for the cold. Back to the dog not feeling well, I think b/c he went back on dry dog food it's messing with his digestive track so I need to get some more wet food and mix it for awhile. I don't like seeing him not feeling well.
Can someone please tell me why I inspire guys to act sexually inappropriate towards me online? I know that I am a pretty sexually open person as far as yeah I like sex, yes I do have sex, yes I do have a fwb and fb at the moment, but that doesn't mean I fuck around. Or that I'll fuck anybody, I am very selective. But once again a guy I've barely said hi to online starts asking me a bunch of sexual questions and not in a oh just curious way either. I'm sure these guys would never treat a women like that offline so why do they do it online. If I ask them they disappear, I guess thats a simple way to get rid of them. LOL.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Great now I'm getting NSA offers on the board I post on from total strangers. Geez, I don't fuck around, how hard is that to understand. I just don't get it, am I supposed to be like sure cum on over, don't know anything about you but let's fuck?
Well according to GNC I lost 7lbs this week, I feel guilty b/c I didn't really do anything except a couple short walks w/ the dog. Tammy needs to lose 4lbs to beat me. I need to come up with some wagers for our bets in case I win. I wonder if Mom is still offering to pay for a gym membership, I think I might like to join Butterfly Life again.
I really really need to take the dog to the vet, I'm such a bad mommy. He's not sick sick but I know something must be wrong with him. He's not drinking enough water.
Well according to GNC I lost 7lbs this week, I feel guilty b/c I didn't really do anything except a couple short walks w/ the dog. Tammy needs to lose 4lbs to beat me. I need to come up with some wagers for our bets in case I win. I wonder if Mom is still offering to pay for a gym membership, I think I might like to join Butterfly Life again.
I really really need to take the dog to the vet, I'm such a bad mommy. He's not sick sick but I know something must be wrong with him. He's not drinking enough water.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Entry for January 01, 2008
Stuck in NY it snowed today and is supposed to snow tomorrow. I'm bored and horny. LOL. I want to be in NC. Has anyone invented a teleportation device yet? I ran out of clothes so I had to do laundry and I hate the hard water here. My clothes are going to be all scratchy. So if you see me itching it's not bed bugs it's soap left in my clothes.
Oh well the snow is pretty
Stuck in NY it snowed today and is supposed to snow tomorrow. I'm bored and horny. LOL. I want to be in NC. Has anyone invented a teleportation device yet? I ran out of clothes so I had to do laundry and I hate the hard water here. My clothes are going to be all scratchy. So if you see me itching it's not bed bugs it's soap left in my clothes.
Oh well the snow is pretty
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