Broken...

I'm back on the fucked up day/night backwards sleep schedule. I'm so sick of hiding what I really feel. I don't want to complain all the time though, life sucks get a helmet. People ask me why I can't sleep. i tell them b/c I'm stressed. Yeah it's stress but what I don't say is once I turn of any outside stimulus I start crying and can't stop. I feel broken inside. How can someone who was always strong and independent feel so week and lost? I don't even know if I will be able to hold a fast food job if I get one. Will I have an anxiety attack or start crying like a baby if someone looks at me crossways? The worst is feeling alone. Who do I turn to and tell these things that I'm so ashamed of. A few people seemed sympathetic to what was happening when I first got sick but now I think even they think I'm lazy or worse yet forever broken. I don't have a safety net if I'm broken so it's a non-issue. Broken or not I have to go about the business of being a productive member of society. So tomorrow I will hope/dread a call from Subway to get a job. Maybe I'll surprise myself and not be an utter failure at something which should be a cakewalk for me. Think positive, right? I will regain some confidence just with the act of working and I will restart this so called life. :)